Last Christmas
by Kato Chinatsu
Summary: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears... Can I give it to someone special?


_**Last Christmas, I gave you my heart...**_

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Fate has always been a bitter sweet concoction, a poison in a snake-wrapped chalice, that has always seem to have the same resolution: Death. Fate has always been a contradiction to life. People often say that the outcome of your life is what you decide it to be. What's a decision when there are restrictions? What is fate when there is only one concrete conclusion? What's the use of deciding things and spouting such nonsense when such things didn't exist in the first place? What's the point of moving forward when one bounds to hesitate? What is the point of achievement when there are no sacrifices?

What is attainment when you are meant to lose?

What is the purpose of attaining happiness when one is bound to find sadness?

What is love when there is pure hatred?

Alas, this cold world has not changed for the many years that I have been living. What's the point of hoping when I know for certain that efforts were futile and worthless? Maybe because of a delusion that someone, anyone, may be able to change this putrid world, to restore the meaning for its existence. If such person would come, what then should I expect? A change? A miracle? Or perhaps, a mere escape from the predicament I find myself in?

"Mr. Reborn, what are you doing outside? You may catch a cold."

I did not have to turn around to know whom that soft, careful voice belonged too. Indeed, it is freezing outside, a harsh torment created by the dreaded season popularly known as winter. The only good thing about December, one of the coldest months of the year, is that, for adults, it is most likely the only day counted as our day off. For children, the stacks and stacks of present they hope to receive and open. Such selfish youth. But they cannot be blamed, not at all.

"Why aren't you inside? Your health is much more at risk than mine." I drawl as I gulp down a mouthful of red wine. I wish I can just take a bottle of vodka instead and drown myself and my thoughts with it. I do not stare into those azure eyes. I do not want her to see my regret. My despair. My pathetic hopelessness...

"The others are already inside. I came to inform you that dinner is ready." She simply answers.

"Why didn't you simply let others call me instead? You are stressing your body out. And in your condition too..." I trail off as I glance at the huge lump on her stomach, looking away immediately with a scowl on my face.

"Does it bother you that much? This baby, I mean..." She whispers in a soft voice, rubbing the lump with loving hands.

""How can it not? That... "thing" is growing inside you. And it has no father, all the more." I growl as I crush the glass in my hands, letting its shattered fragments slice deeply into the skin of my palm.

"Mr. Reborn!" She rushes over to me, takes out a dainty handkerchief as she gently grabs my bleeding hand.

"Why?" I mumble, not comprehending anything. "Why are you willing to go through all these? There is nothing for you, for any of us to gain. So why?" I hiss as she gently pulls the shards from my skin. "Why raise a child who does not even have a biological father?"

"Because this child has a heart. This child is a sign... a ray of hope. I cannot kill this child, just because of a lack of a biological father." She explains as she gingerly wraps my bleeding hand.

"Even though you knew that you yourself are bound by a curse, a curse that will take its effects as soon as the baby is born. Are you willing to die, Luce?" I ask monotonously.

"Yes, I am." She answers back quickly. "But I do admit that I have my fears..." She sighs as she lightly bites her bottom lip, her eyes wavering a bit under my scrutiny.

With no hesitation on my part, I wrap my arms firmly around her in a gentle embrace. She stills for a second but does not push me away otherwise. We are all anxious. We are all fidgeting. We are all fearful of our destinies. Especially hers.

"Let me be the child's godfather." I mumble as she leans into my touch almost childishly.

"Even though this child created a barrier between us?" Luce whispers in the cool breeze.

"It has always been for you. Until the day you die, this throbbing in my chest is still for you. So until that day comes, it is yours to hold." I say with much difficulty.

"How can you entrust to me your heart?" She cries, letting small drops of tears fall onto the ground as I hold her as I gaze into the midnight blue sky.

December 25... My very last Christmas with her... And as I think of it, I can slowly feel the icy cold wall that has previously melted around my heart rebuild itself again, with a knife piercing through it.

* * *

. . .

. . .

_**But the very next day, you gave it away...**_

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_She looks just like you... So much like you... So painfully... The splitting image of you... _That's what crossed my mind as I stare at the baby gurgling in the crib. Gritting my teeth, I glare for a splitting second at the baby girl before leaving the nursery. I try. I try to fathom everything, but nothing registers.

How can you thank me for loving you?

How can you possibly smile as you disappeared before our very eyes?

How can you say that I mean so much to you when you leave me in the end?

How... How am I supposed to endure this cursed existence without you in it anymore?

I desperately want to kill that child. That child who so took your life away. But I can't... I promised... Promised to raise her until she can do things at her pace. To take care of her. To cherish her as if she is my daughter and to give her the love you so wish that you could have given.

Luce... You have been too selfish... You have been too naive... You have been too loving...

"Reborn, what do you plan to do, kora?" Colonello asks from behind me, his face, a mask of indifference, with a tinge of sadness.

For once, I do not know how to answer. For once, I can't smirk it off and shrug at it. Too hopeless. Pathetically hopeless I have been. When will this torture end? When can that person come and change this putrid world?

"Why did you do it? Why did you take Lal's place?" I ask in a low voice, wincing at the sound of my new voice. It is high. It lacks authority. I hate it. I hate this tiny hands, legs, and feet of mine. I hate this small frame. I despise it all.

"The same reason why you didn't want Luce to continue with her birth." Colonello answers simply, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do not compare Luce to Lal." I growl. "Even if Lal became a complete Arcobaleno, she could have still lived. But for Luce and for the future Sky Arcobalenos, they are cursed to die early. So do not compare Lal and Luce. They have two different situations!"

Colonello remains silent as he stares at the midnight blue sky. I too look up, staring at nothingness.

_Was it too much to ask for a longer time with her?_

_Was this never ending pain going to continue?_

_Is it a sin to be alive?_

I can still hear it. Her pained sobs full of agony. Yet, what did I do? I stood in the background and just waited for all of it to end soon. Waited for her sobs to quiet down into nothingness. Did not spare a glance at her disappearing form, all the while cringing as I felt her gaze focused on me alone.

_Plip. Plop._

I do not have to look up to know that it is starting to rain. They say that rain symbolizes a change. A beginning. A blessed shower that washes away one's sorrow, agony, doubts, fears, reluctance. But for me, the rain just spreads all the emotions that has bottled up within me, spilling it, making it become incomprehensible.

As I gaze at the midnight blue sky, I silently curse the gods who took her away, unaware of the silent tears cascading down my cheeks, being washed away by the rain, my pathetic being, watched by mournful Sapphire orbs.

December 26... Just a day after giving you my heart, you give it away to a child you have not once seen. You give it away and crushed everything that you have established, and more or less, forgot about me.

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_**. . .**_

_**. . .**_

_**This year, to save me from tears...**_

_**. . .**_

_**. . .**_

* * *

"It has been a long time, hasn't it, Reborn?"

I simply nod as I gaze at the future Tenth boss of the Vongola family, Sawada Tsunayoshi, who is currently (pathetically if I must say) trying to prevent an argument between his Storm and Rain guardians from happening. It is more of a one-sided argument, considering the fact that Yamamoto does not even understand Gokudera's sudden outrage.

"Is he the one you are looking for?" She asks as she sits down beside me, keeping a space between us which I appreciate greatly.

"Who knows? Maybe he can change this world. The only question is how he will change it." I answer, not glancing at her direction as I do so.

She simply hums in agreement, chuckling a bit as Dame-Tsuna is more or less accidently thrown into a shallow pond by his so-called right-hand man.

"T-Tenth! I'm so sorry!" Gokudera apologizes profusely; banging his head on the cement until it bleeds.

"G-Gokudera-kun! Stop it! Y-Your head's bleeding!" Tsuna panics as Gokudera continues to hit his head on the cement.

"Dame-Tsuna, if you cannot even stop your guardians from hitting themselves, what kind of Mafia boss will you become?" I ask in an annoyed tone.

"Reborn! Don't give me that excuse! How does stopping Gokudera-kun have anything to do with me as a boss?" Tsuna whines pathetically.

"Pardon? What did you say?" I ask as I pointed my gun at his direction.

"HIEEEEEEEEEE!" Tsuna cries as he barely doges that bullet. Barely, that is.

_What is it with the possessors of Sky elements these days...?_ I grumble as my gun morphs back to Leon. As if hearing my thoughts, the person beside me smiles.

"He can't be that bad." She mumbles as she brushes off some imaginary dirt on her slacks.

"You don't know him, Aria. You, all of the Sky element possessors, are completely hopeless. It took me years to train the Cavallone Decimo, and he is still not that good for a Mafia boss." I grunt, wincing as said Cavallone falls into the water as Tsuna did. Where are his men when you need them?

"And Sawada Tsunayoshi: He has been training with me for 2 years but his development only applies when he is in his Hyper Dying Will mode." I rub my temples as I contemplate whether or not to change my teaching methods.

"And me?"

"... I don't think I am obliged to answer that." I mumble.

She purses her lips before shrugging.

"If that's what you want." She answers casually.

"For the fifteen years that I have raised you, I know for sure that that is not like you at all." I say, tilting my fedora hat a little to the side.

"As do you, Reborn. People can change you know." She sighs. "For the past fifteen years, I have been raised by you, loved _artificially _by you. And I thank you still for that. Despite all the misfortune my existence caused you..."

"_Artificially?" _I blurt out.

She smiles mournfully before closing her eyes.

"At the age of five, I am already well aware that you despise me, despise my existence. If I had not existed, Mother would have lived, the seven of you would not have been cursed, and you and mother could live a happy life. But when I came into this world, she died, for it was her curse. She could have died earlier, if not for her bearing me. I was like an abomination, that's what I found myself to be. Mother died, I do not even have a biological father, you loathed me for taking her life, but you took care of me, no matter how excruciatingly painful it was because you promised her. I was an abomination, I accepted that. I accepted your artificial love."

Aria pauses to take a deep breath.

"I left your guidance at the age of fifteen for I know that I have to understand something of my existence. Only then, months ago, did I understand why I existed."

"..."

"In two months' time, I will probably die, leaving a baby in this world, just like mother. This child will bring you the happiness you sought for." Aria whispers as she stands up.

"Who will take care of her when you die?" I ask in a low voice.

"I met some family in the outskirts of Italy. They will raise her up, and make-up for the love that I could not shower my future daughter with." She replies.

When will this sick circle going to end? This never ending pain... Why has it consumed us so?

"Thank you for everything, Reborn. I am sure that one day, you will meet my daughter. Please take care of her for me, for Mother." Aria smiles as she walks away.

"You know, I have always wanted to call you as my father because you raised me up just like one. So then... Goodbye... Father. This may as well be the last time you will ever see me again." She looks back and smiles at me. For a split second, I saw her. I saw Luce in those eyes. I saw a face of a young girl who may as well be her future daughter. I do not answer. A mere nod is enough.

The baby girl whom I had cursed for her existence... the baby girl whom I promised to raise well... The baby girl, now a grown woman, who is now leaving before my eyes...

... Is going to die?

How can they choose to face death?

How can they stand to die without a care for those whom they are leaving behind?

I wish this world could just end. This sickening vile world. I wish it would just end so I do not have to see their deaths. One. By. One.

Two months... And it's almost December. She will die, just as her mother had: with no thoughts for the future of the baby they will leave behind.

"Uncle Reborn! Uncle Reborn! Uncle Reborn!" A child giggles cutely as she approaches me.

"Hello to you too, Yuni." I smile a bit at the child before me.

"Uncle Reborn, what are you doing outside? It's cold here! You may get sick!"

_Just like her grandmother..._

"I'm just looking at the sky. That is all." I answer as I gaze at the midnight blue sky, the same hue that it once had 25 years ago.

"But, Uncle, they are all here! Dinner's about to start!" She explains, holding her hand out so that we can walk inside together.

I force a smile onto my face. I cannot just hate this child. Aria is right. She can bring me the happiness I seek for. She reminds me of her too much. I just cannot hate her because Luce and Aria died for her. This child is the product of their immeasurable love...

"I see. Shall we go then?" I ask as I take her hand.

She smiles as we walk inside, being greeted a "Merry Christmas" by Tsuna and his guardians, Timoteo's family, Cavallone family, and the others present in the room.

I was wrong to judge their decision. If I had asked Luce and Aria to give it all up, this little angel beside me would not have existed. I would not have known what a family was like in the presence of all those who surround me. I could not have devoted myself to protecting this one little girl that I care about.

As I gaze towards the balcony where Luce and I talked 25 years ago, I cannot help but thank her for everything that she had done.

Luce and Aria did not forget those who surrounded them. Rather, they had planned it long ago.

December 25... 25 years later. Maybe it was too much to ask for one person to change the whole world. But perhaps... even one person can change a person's whole world...

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_**. . .**_

_**...I'll give it to someone special...**_

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_**Fin**_

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_**Me: First one- shot! So basically, this is a tragedy but with a happy ending. It's hard writing something of this genre, you know. =.=**_

_**Giotto: Sure, it is... *sarcastic***_

_**Me: Anyway, this was a story I posted last last Christmas. But I deleted it because of some reasons. *coughs* People deleting stories in *coughs* So yeah. I am posting this not because I want to get attention and stuff but because I happened to really REALLY love this. So yeah.**_

_**I'll try to make a oneshot GioTsu. **_

_**2011**_


End file.
